- Make a reservation at a fancy restaurant like Olive Garden. Bitches love pasta.
- Take a lesson from Pathfinders and avoid traditional ice-breaking techniques.
- Buy an ice sculpture in the shape of a giant cube, a swan, or Cupid.
- Carry said sculpture with you in a red wagon to the restaurant. Beware of bumps on the sidewalk or people mistaking the sculpture for your child.
- Arrive at the restaurant 15 minutes before your date. The element of surprise is vital.
- Have a waiter bring the ice to your table after you’ve eaten all of the breadsticks.
- Take out your spare hammer, knife, or small chainsaw and start to hit the sculpture violently. Put your back into it. The cold never bothered you anyway.
- Don’t forget to bring an extra hammer, knife, or small chainsaw for your date—you can’t break the ice alone.
- The ice must not melt! Vanilla Ice, Ice T, and Ice Cube all recommend that if the task proves too slippery, you and your potential lover must tackle the sculpture.
- If that doesn’t work out just crush some ice cubes from a glass of water with your fist and call it a day.
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How To Break The Ice On A First Date
by Jessica Simpson
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