Unconfirmed: "Chancellor Gallagher" Resume Leaked!

We here at "The Pittiful News" value journalistic integrity. However, when University moles gave us the scoop that some new guy called a "Chancellor" - possibly pronounced "CHONK-ya-lar," more details to come - was being vetted despite a kinda weird resume, we jumped at the occasion to publish the materials we had so you, the tuition-payer could see his or her (or possibly lizard's or lizardess's, again, more details to come) resume. Proceed at your own risk.