Woman who opens public bathroom door without knocking literally raised by wolves

By Hannah Lynn

In the middle of a bustling California Pizza Kitchen, 19-year-old Kathy Lupin caused a stir when she opened a one-stall public bathroom, without knocking, to find another young woman, 33-year-old Shelly Koch, peeing. Koch shrieked and Devine seemed shocked to find the bathroom occupied even though, as previously stated, she didn’t knock.

Several patrons of the restaurant shook their heads disapprovingly as they shoved another bite of Caesar salad down their gullets. “Well now who doesn’t knock? That’s just plain wrong,” said waiter Olga Croutonn. “I mean was she raised by wolves?”

Upon further investigation, it was discovered that Kathy Lupin was in fact raised by wolves. She initially declined to comment because she doesn’t know English, but then agreed with the help of a Wolvish-English translator.

“I didn’t know you had to knock. If one is disrobing, why not lock wood slab [door]?” Lupin said before looking wistfully at the daytime moon. “I apologize but that woman will not survive in these times.”

Despite speaking English, Shelly Koch declined to comment.