Four Fancy Cocktail Recipes for College Kids

By Mike Citrola

1. The Pepto-Bismol Mojito- Muddle doubts about the palatability of this drink. Mix Pepto-Bismol, white rum, and sprite. Pour over ice. 

2. The Ramen Bloody Mary- Mix canned tomato soup, one packet of ramen seasoning, and as much vodka as you’ll need to forget you’ve made this terrible drink. Pour over ice.

3. The Tom Collin’s- Mix whatever you could pilfer from your floormates, Tom and Collin. Pour over ice.

4. Manhattan- Mix bourbon, bitters…um, wait. Realize you don’t have bitters. What even are bitters? Whatever, it’s only like a dash. Then add, WTF, vermouth?! Nevermind. Just pour bourbon over ice.