That One Paper Will Be Easy

You should not worry about the term paper in that one class you’ve been skipping because lectures are so easy and commonsense, states a report published by all of University of Pittsburgh’s departments, guaranteeing that it will be just as quick and easy as you expect.

“It had come to our attention that some students thought they had to start their term papers as early as two weeks in advance to get a decent grade,” a Pitt official explained. Although the source of this misconception is still under investigation, heads of the departments felt obliged to “remind students some ancient truths in order to forestall unnecessary stress, panic attacks, and existential crises.”

"I just lecture from the book," commented Travis Bzhabko, a Pitt professor of Canadian Ballet, "but since you haven't read that either, you can escape the loop by banging out a intelligent-sounding paper on any darn thing you want."

The report reminds you that the term paper in that one super-easy class will take only about half an hour per page and will roll off your fingertips like an avalanche of beauty. Since the topic is as simple and straightforward as it seems, the best time to begin writing is the night before the deadline.