Research Shows Chocolate Chips Hurt When You Step On Them

By Leo Corman

Chocolate chips—everyone’s favorite harmless treat, right? Wrong! A new study has found that chocolate chips can hurt when stepped on. “You see, they have that kind of pointy part, and if that’s sticking up when your foot makes contact with the chip, you could experience slight to mild pain,” according to a senior scientist involved in the study. “We are continuing to conduct follow-up research, but in the meantime, if there are chocolate chips on the ground near you, please be careful.”

Health experts are warning parents to keep chocolate chips away from vulnerable young children. “If chocolate chips hurt just by stepping on them, imagine the type of havoc they would wreak on a child’s digestive system,” said a leading official in an NIH statement yesterday. She stressed the need for proper safety precautions while handling chocolate chips: “Children should not be allowed near chocolate chips unsupervised. Should a spill occur, immediately quarantine the area. Clean up the chocolate chips with gloves and thick-soled shoes.”

NIH also recommended melting chocolate chips before consumption, but even this could be hazardous. Another group of scientists has uncovered how chocolate, when heated to high temperatures, can burn the tongue and mouth. Said one member of this team, “We’re still gathering data on this phenomenon, but I think it’s safe to say that these results have the potential to fundamentally reshape the role of chocolate in our lives.”