Fall Infinity Scarves That Say “You’re Just Like Everyone Else”

By Megan Klein

 

Everyone does it. Everyone wears scarves. It’s fall. It’s what you do. Scarves are the lofty cloth pieces crafted by the gods and goddesses to say, “I am Fall, here me roar!” Consult this scarf list that practically scream how fashionable you are, just like everyone else on this softly-knit planet.

1. Wool – this one is made for someone named Jonathan. It’s mustard and he’s crying because he’s out of protein shake, but damn he looks good in that scarf. Wear it to the gym John, wrap those muscles in a scarf, then wraps those strong scarf arms around my little body, you hunk of woven man.
2. Wool – There’s so much you can do with this one, you have to ask yourself, “what can’t I do?” Wear it as piece of wooly queen jewelry. Smite the haters. Make them bow to you.  Make them cry, then wipe their tears with your scarf before you use it to guillotine their heads. Yarn never felt so good.
3. Wool – Set it on fire. It’s what everyone does these days. It will keep you super toasty, and you’ll turn into the marshmallow you always dreamed of being – burnt on the outside, but solid and completely uncooked on the inside.
4. Wool – Use it to brush your teeth. You’ll thank me later.  
5. Wool – You really are just like everyone else. You soft-mongering knitty knatty twit! Wear your scarf in shame around your neck where it belongs.