Local Mom Sends Child To Private School to Establish Elitism Early In Life

By I.S. Mills

Devyn Prescott, of Fox Chapel, is an outspoken advocate for private education of her children and other children in the rich community.

“I think it’s really important that my kids understand from an early age that they are better than other children,” said the 34-year-old mother of two.

Prescott emphasizes that an early exposure to competition and socio-economic caste division makes certain that children attain high social status, financial prosperity, and racist tendencies in the future.

“Like, in public schools, there’s this concept of everybody being treated basically the same no matter their race or income. Which I really didn’t like,” explains Prescott. “My kids are better than other kids. I mean, look at my kid- it’s wearing a fucking North Face and it’s not even below 50 degrees.”

The private-school guru assures that kids who go to private schools do not necessarily need to be smarter or more talented in any way than public school kids.

“I mean shit, my kids half Mike. Of course they’re not going to be very bright,” Prescott laughs, referring to her husband of twelve years. “But they’ve got Confirmation names and a pet hedgehog that has died and been replaced twice without them noticing.”

And if you want a sports star for a child, Prescott says private school is the way to go. “Every public school in the country has a softball team, so there’s less of a chance that my kid will comparatively be the best at it. But there are only three schools in the state that have polo teams. Much higher chance my kid will be good enough at something that I can talk about the national tournament at family get-togethers.”

But fret not, public school parents. Prescott promises there are other ways to guarantee your little aristocrat gets all the attention it needs to overshadow others.

“They could join the marines and become a war hero,” she offers, “or get randomly rich like Bill Gates. It can happen.”