“Kayden” Declared Most Popular Name for Toilet Babies

By Holly Stavarski

Every year, expectant mothers await for Social Security Administration and Parents.com to release their list of “Most Popular Baby Names” in hopes that it will help them in their search for something to call their little bundle of joy. This year the SSA has decided to expand their demographic to those women who do not know that they are expecting.

“Since the dawn of time, there have been women who have carried a baby to full term without knowing that they were pregnant,” said Chairman Art Winney. “Many of them are unprepared and have not spent the appropriate nine months of slaving away at trying to decide what they should name their baby.”

In order to give these mom’s a helping hand, the SSA has collected data from the show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” to come up with a full list of names for babies who were born in the commode.

“The name ‘Kayden’ won by a landslide, but the names ‘Brooklynn’, ‘Uhh… Toothbrush?’, and ‘Plop’ were also fairly popular.”

Though Chairman Winney is unsure if this list will be utilized by new mothers who were caught off guard, stating “They certainly haven’t used the lists we have made in the past.” He is sure that names that have been long debated, like his own name, “Art,” turn out much better.