Divorcée Professor Desperately Plugs Office Hours

By Phil Forrence

Dr. Leo Johns' 0616 Literature and Migration course took a turn for the worst last week when he finalized his divorce with his wife of eleven years. “He just won't stop talking about his office hours,” Marco Royce, Johns' student, laments. “He relentlessly tells of how much fun he and the students have there, but there are only twelve of us in the class and no one knows anyone who's gone to them.”

“They're a blast,” belts Johns, “Last week Maggie, good old Maggie, and her friend Jonathan swung by my office at 8 a.m. It was magical, we talked leisure, sports, arts and entertainment for hours. And I think those two love-birds might have a connection.”

“Nobody calls me Maggie,” clarifies Margret Ruffield.

“The other day I picked up a pen for Dr. Leo as I left class, and he hasn't stopped telling people about what good friends we are.” Other students have noticed it too. Chris Diamond recalls, “He told me that if I stopped by his afternoon office hours he and I might get a visit from his old friend 'Mary-Juana' and when I told him I was busy he violently offered to write me a letter of recommendation to graduate school.”

“What I try to teach to my students is to not learn the lesson, but learn how to learn to learn the lesson. The problem with modern education is we are so caught up in tests. What even is a test? You know what a real test is? A conversation. People talking to people. Science, history, or geography, it doesn't matter what. That's what it's all about.”

“He offered me money to teach him about Tinder,” Says student Beth Fields, “And not a small amount of money either. His final offer was seventy-five dollars and a plain gold ring off his finger. It was sad.”

Next semester Dr. Leo Johns' will be teaching two sections of 0315 Reading Poetry. His office hours will be listed on the syllabus.