Super Seniors Take On SuperDelegates

By BD Wahlberg

Previously! The Super Senior Justice League pursued the Party Animal horror to its Panther Hollow abode; Psychology studies paid off as The Power-Nap led an inspiring intervention on this alcohol triggered werepanther! Colder climate catalyzed confrontations as they teamed up with El Niño to take on WintryMix and The W-2some!  At home in the Secret Super Senior (and Señiorita) Solitude Sanctum, our heroes mistake Senioritis for Political Engagement!

“I can’t believe I forget about this crap every election season!” Miss’d Graduation slams her laptop shut and starts to turn invisible. “SuperDelegates. They’re going to ruin the very democracy of the Democratic party. ” Zooming in at the speed of a distraction, the ever hype Downward Spiral exclaims “Party? Where?!”

“Might as well be held at the Home for the One Percent at this rate. SuperDelegates. Damn.” FutureShock makes a slow spin and leans back in the chair in front of the ever watchful wall of monitors. “Uncommitted Democrats, completely unbeholden to the popular vote come nominee time.” Yawning, Power-Nap (yours truly) suggests “Well, why don’t we do something about it? And what better time than with Super Tuesday coming? This thesis sure isn’t due until April.” Miss’d Graduation snaps back into view, fierce determination in her eyes. “You’re on.”

~Montage~ Grassroots activism! Signing petitions! Fundraising for various organizations! The answering machines of SuperDelegates! Getting Lunch! Napping! The piling up of homework! Scathing blog posts! Provocative memes! More answering machines! More Lunch! Documents labeled “SECRET” traded behind the H2O drink tent by the Union! Exhausted slumping around back in the SSS(aS)SS! ~End Montage~

“Think that’s enough?” sighs Power-Nap. “You can never do enough…in the name of Democracy!” exclaims Miss’d G. Suddenly! Red flashing across the monitors! The curly blonde locks and flashing eyes of Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chair of the Democratic National Committee, form one picture across the screens. “HAHAHA! It is I, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chair of the Democratic National Committee!”

“We all know who you are, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chair of the Democratic National Committee,” the Super Seniors scowl together.

“Good! Then you’ll have to know you can never win this fight! You might think you can beat the SuperDelegates with grassroots activism and poignant satire, but you’re forgetting that this is the government! And you? You students?” She leans in with each word. “You. Can’t. Beat. The. System. And now, before you can freeze time, or zoom over here, or doing some nap-based thing, I’m letting registered federal lobbyists make donations! How does that sound!?” She throws her head back in throes of laughter.
As the monitors click off, Miss’d Graduation falls to her knees with a gut wrenching “NOOOOOO!!!” Uncharacteristically slow, Downward Spiral leans down to her quietly crying friend, “You feeling Hemm’s? At least drinking is something we can do. Shot pitchers on me.”

Will the Super Seniors joke about underage college kids? Will that be a sufficient distraction from their inability to affect change? Will it continue to distract them from capstones and final projects? Will the procrastination come back to bite them in their Super Butts!? Find out…Next month!!