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By Hannah Lynn, Holly Stavarski, Critter Fink
As you may know, the second out of eighty total GOP debates aired last night. The Pittiful News decided it would be nice write an article featuring our live reactions, witty commentary, and humorous observations. By the end, we were all pleading for mercy, begging for someone to release us from the seemingly unrelenting grips of Lucifer. Enjoy!
- Fun Fact: GOP stands for Grand Old Poophead
- imagine all the comedians that are watching this right now to write relevant jokes
- Rand Paul has mad pube-head
- Ok, in all fairness, Marco Rubio looks like a brand new Ken doll.
- A friend said to me that Ted Cruz looks like Jenny Slate and I’ll never get over it. I love you Jenny Slate I’m sorry, don’t think about this as an insult to you just as a compliment to Cruz. He looks like if you were a melted candle.
- Bragadocious definition make everyone go crazy
- Fact: Donald Trump is the love child of a corn husk and a tanning bed - nice
- Drinking game - If you take a shot every time they say Regan, you should be dead by now
- I’m no English teacher but I think Reagan’s plane in the background is symbolism for how they won’t stop sucking his dick.
- So weird that a pile of pubes can talk!!
- Jeb Bush looks like the third best accountant in the office
- I honestly just wanna flick Trump right in the neck
- Jeb Bush looks like a drawing that my least favorite child would draw of the third best accountant in the office
- Jeb Bush looks like George H.W Bush’s least favorite child
- You know when someone takes off their glasses and you’re like “Wow you look weird without glasses! That’s what Ben Carson looks like all the time.