Senior Drops Out to Invent Cool Stuff or Start Company or Something

Two weeks before graduating from the Swanson School of Engineering like a lame-o, Mark Feply dropped out in order to invent cool stuff or start a company or something. “Because look at Gates and Jobs and Zuckerberg,” he said.

During his four years in college, Feply had invented nothing, made no scientific breakthroughs, recorded no albums and written no books. While literally all of his friends were doing something cool with their lives, Feply failed to do anything buzzworthy.

“I felt so behind the times,” said Feply, adding that since he hadn’t become an Internet sensation by the age of 22 he must’ve been doing something wrong. “And then I realized that college was the only reason I hadn’t invented something totally super-cool. The structured learning environment was killing my creativity, man. I mean, who ever heard of a billionaire who finished college and later applied what he learned there in his career?”

Future celebrated young genius said he drew inspiration from the handful of dropouts who succeeded instead of the thousands who didn’t because “look at Jobs and Gates and Zuckerberg—if they did it, then so will I!”

Feply said he will live on welfare in his parents’ basement while figuring out what his claim to fame will be. Despite his lack of special skills, knowledge, or interest in anything, Feply said he’s confident that his post-dropping-out environment will be conducive to creativity and entrepreneurship because look at Zuckerberg and Jobs and Gates.