Same Old B.S. to Happen in 2015, World-weary Experts Predict

A panel of six middle-aged burnt-out experts from many fields released a public statement that the coming year will basically be the same old bullshit happening all over again, with no end in sight. “Yeah-yeah-yeah, new year, whoopee-freakin-doo, same crap in a different wrapper, and more expensive, too,” read the slurred statement. The panel members publicly announced the forecast at a bar where they had first met each other a few hours ago, having escaped there from their families and solitude. The experts also reminisced about how it was back in the day and advised the audience to get it while they’re still young. 

At the request of the audience, the experts pooled their brainpower and extrapolating skills to draft a list of the most anticipated changes that 2015 will bring:

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After a round-table discussion on the current condition of the never-changing state of affairs, the panel members straggled out of the bar because “ah what the hell.”