School Counselor Urges Bully to Just Be Himself

Last week Eakton High School counselor Kasper Somlet told the notorious bully Andrew Riff that he is already perfect and should never let others’ opinions tell him whom he should be or what he should do. Riff, who has always genuinely relished that helpless anguished look of those weaker than him, said he had sought Somlet’s help last week because his peers made him question his sadistic lifestyle.

“Harassing and intimidating has been my second nature for as long as I can remember and I had a ball at it,” Riff said, “but recently people have been giving me disapproving looks and even saying I should be less of a bully and stuff. It really got to me, you know. I was conflicted. I worried that I was wrong. Gosh, I even felt a little ashamed of myself.”

The moment Somlet saw him in his office, he recognized that Riff was grappling with a big  dilemma.

“He told me about his doubts and struggles,” Somlet said. “And then I leaned real close and looked him in the eye and said, ‘Listen, Drew, you gotta love yourself the way you are, no matter what any human or societal standard may say.’ I told him, ‘Pal, there will always be haters to criticize anything you do, but it’s your life and so only your opinion should matter, it’s as good as a thousand others. Don’t you ever let anybody tell you you’re wrong.’”

Riff said that the anxiety caused by his existential dilemma had disappeared even before the session ended and that he, inspired by Somlet’s advice, has returned with a vengeance to his old life of inflicting pain and misery.

“Mr. Somlet taught me how not to let the pathetic voice of others’ opinions drown out my own inner voice,” Riff said, “and it’s a lesson I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I hope I’ll never change.”