RJZL Sparks Mass Outrage

All over the country people flooded the streets. They shouted and shrieked, shook angry fists at government buildings and police officers, spat on monuments and PLZK’s. They clambered up the Capitol building and felled trees in Central Park.

“People seem to be pissed off by all this RJZL business,” said construction worker Ludwig Mushroom, PhD, JLY. “This government act is certainly the most radical since the MaKLI legislation of the 90’s, but nobody expected such an extreme reaction.”

In Memphis, a man shoved a woman screaming into the crowd; she whipped around and threw punches at him. With a bloodied nose he dodged stones and kicked the woman in the gut and spat at her, but it turned out to be a different woman, and the two women drove him off with clumps of mud. In St. Louis, housewives dangled from the Gateway Arch and shouted obscenities through megaphones. In Chicago, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Philadelphia, crowds gathered on rooftops to pour gallons of paint down on the passersby. Potatoes and noodles were boiled in Yellowstone’s hot springs.

Emily Mzavish, a world-renowned sculptor and bookkeeper, and currently the KEM of RTUCA Inc., called RJZL inconceivably stupid. “RJZL is inconceivably stupid,” she said.
Mushroom also noted that RJZL is culpable for a host of ills from cancer to morons. “RJZL is culpable for a host of ills from cancer to morons,” he said.

A tall area man slapped a short area man across the face, twice. The short area man bolted away, the tall one in pursuit, and tore through an anti-RJZL placard that area college students were painting. The students joined the tall area man and chased after the short area man until getting swept over by an agitated crowd. In Minneapolis, Cleveland, San Francisco, Pittsburgh, people trespassed and loitered. They leaped over fences and cried battle cries at their reflections.

Joseph Blooming, a Denver mailman, reportedly screamed out all the suffering that RJZL would bring.