Higgs Boson Missing

Higgs boson, the elusive elementary particle that took almost five decades to be found, was reported missing on the morning of January 1st. 

“It took me most of my life to find my little darling,” said Peter Higgs, the British theoretical physicist who initiated the search. “I’ve been losing sleep looking for her. I gave her my last name. We finally met one lovely evening at the Big Hadron Collider a year ago. I took her home and was happy.”

However, he said, things turned sour when he received the 2013 Nobel Prize in Physics for the discovery. “She thought I did it only for the medal and money, my silly little Boson. She doubted my feelings.” 

In an effort to make it up to her, Higgs said he took the boson to Times Square for the New Year's Eve. They came back to the party in his apartment together, but when Higgs woke up the following morning, she was gone. 

“I was despondent,” he said. “I looked everywhere but couldn’t find her. Boson, darling, if you’re reading this, please come back to Papa.”

Higgs has issued his Nobel prize money as a reward for any information that would lead to the boson’s discovery.