Woman sent to hospital, family blames Miley Cyrus

Linda Simmons, a 46-year-old mother of two, was sent to the hospital earlier this week after she hurt herself rolling her eyes too hard at Miley Cyrus. After hearing Cyrus’ newly released album “Bangerz,” Simmons rolled her eyes with such disdain that they would not return to their natural state.

Her daughter, 15-year-old Susie Simmons is worried about her mother’s condition. “When I was little, she always told me that if I kept rolling my eyes like that, they would stay that way. Why didn’t she listen to her own advice? WHY?” said Susie.

Simmons, like many moms across the country, has been disgusted with the pop star’s recent provocative behavior from the VMAs to her Rolling Stone cover. While most teenagers seem to be indifferent, mothers cannot seem to help bringing up the issue everywhere from family dinners to book clubs. “She really seems to hate this Molly fellow, so I don’t know why she keeps bringing them up,” said her husband, Phil. “I’m more of Selena Gomez fan myself,” he added.

Susie suspects her mother’s injury might be due to the fact that she is still mourning the death of Hannah Montana. “I mean, I miss her too but everyone has to move on at some point,” she said.

Simmons remains stable, but has not been able to look away from the ceiling for almost two weeks. As of now, doctors have not found a cure for Linda’s condition, but they hope to create an antidote before it plagues others across the nation.