BREAKING: I’m Scared to Shave because If I do then I will Look like Tintin

By Tom Harnett

Listen, It’s never easy being a ginger.  I’ve accepted the restricted life I will have to live because of my unfortunate condition.  I’ll never be able to be a Middle School teacher because I wouldn’t be able to teach over the students yelling that I don’t have a soul.  I will never be able to live in a Tropical climate because the sun is too prominent.  I’ll never be able to talk to another ginger without people assuming we are siblings.  I have accepted these things.  What I cannot accept is the fact that I look like Tintin when I’m clean shaven.

To the people that will surely take this as a slight to the semi-popular star of the line of children’s books, I mean no insult.  The fact is that I would normally enjoy looking like the star of a movie which has a 75 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and which grossed $77 million domestically.  It’s just the fact that I am 20 years old.  I should be maturing both mentally and physically, and I don’t want to look like a 13 year old cartoon boy.  

Again, I have the utmost respect for Tintin.  I would like to make that clear.  I just don’t think my love life will exactly flourish when girls see a picture of me and the cartoon youngster side by side.  And for that reason, I have decided to grow a beard.  It’s not only a beard, it’s a journey that I hope will take me to exciting places around the world where I can meet and help new people.  I can go on adventures and accomplish tasks across the earth!