Port Authority Allows Music Without Headphones if It’s “Totally Swag”

Bonus swag points

PITTSBURGH — Port Authority of Allegheny County will allow music to be played loudly without headphones on all of its buses, trolleys, and inclines, provided that the song playing is “totally swag,” said spokesman Aaron Shpuck. The new law, geared for those who can’t live without auditory sources of swag and don’t have headphones, will go into effect on July 14.

Photo of Man Enjoying Hot Dog Draws Ire

John Kendalls, he who hates beautiful animals

The photo of a 19-year-old Texas Tech student and football player John Kendalls eating a hot dog with visible pleasure has drawn indignation and ire of hundreds of animal lovers since he posted it on his Facebook page. The disapproving comments range from frowny faces to death threats but all convey the feeling of repulsion and disgust elicited by Kendalls’ posing happily next to parts of dead pigs and cows. His critics call him “sick” and “depraved” for partaking in the murder of beautiful animals and boasting about it online.

Chancellor Gallagher on Pitt's Having Highest Tuition: "Suck it up."

PITTSBURGH — In a press conference on Monday, one week after the release of a study by the U.S. Department of Education that showed that Pitt is the most expensive four-year public college in the country, Pitt’s chancellor Patrick Gallagher admitted that there is absolutely no way to prevent this or lower the costs.